While this project is a bit stalled for various RL reasons right now, you'll probably have to trust me. I don't intend to be fixing things that aren't broken, but the truth is that there are some rough edges, particularly in the first story: characterizations other than Revar and Mika are a little flat, there's too many plot points that seem to be advanced by coincidence and lucky timing, and there are inconsistencies with other Ranea stories (and even later stories about these characters) that don't need to be there, such as who doesn't and doesn't know the word "Derysi."
The Everything2 node you pointed me to is flattering, but it somewhat ironically points out one of the characterization problems: Dahlu is aristocratic but she's not supposed to be a ditz. She's not just attractive, she's smart and strong-willed. Readers don't have to like Dahlu, but they do need to understand why Mika likes Dahlu, and for all of the things I think I got right in the original story, that wasn't one of them.
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momijizukamori
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Date: 2008-11-16 20:54 (UTC)The Everything2 node you pointed me to is flattering, but it somewhat ironically points out one of the characterization problems: Dahlu is aristocratic but she's not supposed to be a ditz. She's not just attractive, she's smart and strong-willed. Readers don't have to like Dahlu, but they do need to understand why Mika likes Dahlu, and for all of the things I think I got right in the original story, that wasn't one of them.