Happy birthday! Pick up your midlife crisis at the door.

[chipotle]

So I’ve been in a moderately quiet period again and haven’t made any mention here of the fact that today — well, now yesterday — was my birthday. A few other people have mentioned it, both in LiveJournal and elsewhere; thank you all.

I also haven’t mentioned that it’s not just a birthday, but my 40th birthday. I can’t help but wonder if my recent bouts of ennui don’t stem from this. You can say it’s an arbitrary milestone — I’ve told myself that more than once — but of course, it isn’t entirely arbitrary; it’s a conveniently rounded midpoint of one’s average life expectancy. They’re called “mid-life crises” for a reason. As I wrote to a friend earlier today:

Part of me is wondering if there are big existential questions of the “how come you’ve apparently accomplished so little by 40” variety here. At 30, it seemed like everything was moving forward. I had what seemed to be a pretty stable high-paying job, had my own apartment, was floundering toward savings, was contemplating looking into home ownership within a few years. But it didn’t stay together, and I spent most of the last five years trying to get back to that point. I’m still not really there.

There are people my age who have kids in high school now. It’s not just a road not taken, it’s a road that somehow I never actually saw. I know a fair number of other people in similar boats, with varying degrees of comfort levels at how they arrived there. My own comfort level varies a lot. I’m feeling like I’m approaching another turning point, but I’m not quite sure what it is.

So today has been something of an emotional roller-coaster, nearly all of it internal, going from a “meh” morning to a reasonably good lunchtime to a downright depressed and headachy and kind of panicky afternoon to a very good dinner out with friends (thanks to tugrik) to a somewhat thoughtful and quiet evening (tempered by the return of the headache). I can’t really say it’s been a bad birthday, but it’s been an unsettled one.

I’ll try to write a couple less navel-gazing posts in the near future, although I may have one or two more of those to get out of my system. (Part of the panic of earlier today is realizing that I may have no medical insurance active for a physical that I’m supposed to get next week, related lab work I should get this week and the possibility of, well, unrelated things I may need to get checked out. I am hoping a phone call tomorrow will illuminate this all, though.)

Oh, yes: I should mention, yes, I felt the earthquake — it happened at dinner. This isn’t the first earthquake I’ve supposedly been through out here, but this is the first one that was a real quake experience. Not particularly scary, just, “Oh, so that’s what this feels like.”

Comments

[thedarklurker.livejournal.com]

Although unfortuantely, I don't any advice on the mid life crisis, let me just wish you a happy birthday!

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Know what you mean, know exactly what you mean.

Mine is in two years, and yeah, got the house but if feels like I'm on the service road to that other one, while being unsure whether I want to leave the back roads.

Same with the Earthquake, though I felt mine in '94.

[varjohaltia.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday regardless!

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

I really wanted to send you something for your birthday, and life happened and I got behind. But I'm glad you got out with friends last night, and I hope that there are moments when you can see that you have contributed more to the world than you habituallly realize. You write beautiful stories that touch me as well as other people. You engage in any number of creative projects at once at any given time. You're bright, and kind, and a terrific person to know. Not all success is quantified by a house and car and salary...maybe none of it is. I think of you as a success in all of the ways that count. *snug* ♥

[doodlesthegreat.livejournal.com]

Joyous belated natal anniversary felicitations!

[mordrul.livejournal.com]

I gotta go with Lady Peregrine on this one. Success shouldn't necessarily be measured by having one's own house and car and white picket fence and high-paying job, at least not in my book. Not that these things can't be good things to have, but as a means rather than an end. Although I probably don't have to tell you this. :) As pointed out you are wonderfully creative, write excellent stories that can really make one pause and think. I think this is far better than doing the robot thing where you get marries, have 3.5 kids, and get a little house in the suburbs that looks exactly like the next 80 hours on either side down the street. To me it is, anyway.


Also: happy birthday, even if it was yesterday. :)

[ben-mouse.livejournal.com]

First Happy Birthday Wishes! I'm glad you got to spend some of the day doing good things with friends.

Re: your midlife... hmmm. It's a truism that what we -want- to do ad accomplish is only one small part of the trip which is life. Really, I think that the most anyone can hope for is an "interesting" ride. Try to limit the pain, try to increase the joy and rejoice in the ride, and you're really doing better than most, IMHO.

I'm becoming very bemused as I begin to see "50" on the horizon. Heck... Two Years! Woot!

[typographer.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday!

Since one of my great-uncles just passed away, I found myself thinking about this whole mid-life thing once more, and calculated that I will be exactly half his age (94 years 11 months) this coming March.

I can't imagine coming up with anything I could type in this box that is not going to be a thought you've already had, or something someone else has already said. So I will instead pass on something that my godson's grandmother said to me back on my 40th: "Every decade just gets better."